We were intrigued by a license plate that said "The Holsteins" when we were walking in to set up for the antiques and flea market today. So we stopped to say hello and to find out if there was any thread of relationship.
The gentleman we spoke with was friendly enough and it's possible that somewhere back in the family tree there might be a connection. He told us that he lived in West Virginia in the summers now, but that his home was in Florida.
All good so far. And then he said, "Not to sound racist, but..."
I wish I had been prepared for that, had had the words to stop him right there. But I was thinking that I needed to get inside and get to work, and he continued, "It's nice to be up here and away from all those Cubans and Puerto Ricans and all that."
Ah! I turned my back and walked away, saying over my shoulder, "We have a daughter-in-law we love very much who is from Venezuela. They live in Florida." As I walked away he called out, "Really, that's great! Where at?" I kept walking.
How I wish I had stopped him right off the bat. I could have said, "Yeah, well you DO sound racist." Because there's no "but" that can explain that statement, that can soften or change its meaning.
But my mind didn't work that fast. I only wanted to get away from this man as fast as possible, not look at him again. Larry was right behind me. Sometimes there's just no reason to be polite.
Later this evening I was thinking about this and it occurred to me that the people he called out have probably been in Florida far, far longer than anyone of European descent. Caribbean people probably were traveling back and forth from islands to peninsula before Columbus. As a matter of fact, Florida was inhabited by brown people for centuries before the arrival of Caucasians. And yet he was relieved to be away from them?
I am still fuming over this short encounter. How said is it that this is still something people feel free to say? As I prepared for my storytelling event tomorrow, I read up on the immigration of Germans to the United States. Guess what? They weren't welcome either; there was a movement called Nativism that called for stricter action against immigrants. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I wish I had been quicker with words. I wish I had said something stronger, something to make this man think. I didn't and that bothers me. I was raised to be polite, to not make waves. Sometimes, I think, we need to create tsunamis.
Copyright Susanna Holstein. All rights reserved. No Republication or Redistribution Allowed without attribution to Susanna Holstein.
I wish we could accept people at face value. There are bad Cubans & Puerto Ricans just as there are bad West Virginians. And there are good in each race as well. I do believe the media plays on this pointing out the bad all the time & never the good.
ReplyDeleteAnd none of us really like change so lots of new people moving into an area can make change hard on us as we age especially. We've seen that where we live. When we moved here in the 80's it was all Caucasian & Native American. Now we have Hispanic, Asian & even a large Mong community in our area. But we've actually had more conflict with Caucasian Americans moving here from major cities, then voting in changes that change the culture we have (why they moved here) into the one they left because it was so bad....that's more frustrating to me.
The company where my husband works seems to reflect the population well. He trains new employees & he says the Mong, especially their young people, are some of the most respectful & best workers there are. WE have come to love so many new families from these different races & I'm glad my husband, son & daughter-in-law have made such good friends in them.
I don't really feel free to express my opinion on race & immigration issues because of the gut reactions people give no matter which side we're on. It really has become much worse; rather than being more welcoming all races are discriminated against...even Caucasians. It's all such a messy, painful subject and there are no easy answers. I believe I can only do the best I can to be kind & protect my own community by voting & serving well. I believe anything more is just beyond my control.
I'm sad you experienced something so painful to you. I hope you can let the hurt go & still keep reaching out & being kind...something you're very good at. We have to stop somewhere & choose to do good & be kind no matter how poorly others are acting.
Expected in this time in America-saddddd
ReplyDeleteYou were quick enough, you let him know you did not agree and didn't pretend his embarrassed comment would make it right. Maybe he will think twice next time and know that not every WV Caucasian shares his views.
ReplyDeleteWell, if you don't mind an opinion from someone who has spent a lot of time thinking of snappy comebacks in the middle of the night five years after the actual conversation took place...
ReplyDeleteI think you did VERY WELL saying what you did say! You made a strong point and walked away. Chances are you couldn't have said anything that would have made more of an impact than that. And maybe he'll think about it, and think twice before starting a sentence with, "Not to sound racist but..."
I agree with Jenny. No tsunami needed, just a polite explanation, and then leaving them to figure it out, or not.
ReplyDelete