Monday, December 18, 2017

Three Kings and a Rubber Cigar

I was surprised to learn last year how many people have never heard the "fractured" version of We Three Kings of Orient Are." We sang it loud and with gusto as children, at least until our mother heard us and commanded us to not be so disrepectful.


I suppose it is a bit irreverent to sing a Christmas carol like this one that is solemn and serious in a playful way, but it was surely fun. Do you know this version?

We three Kings of Orient are,
tried to smoke a rubber cigar,
it was loaded and exploded,
BOOM!!

We two Kings of Orient are,
tried to smoke the rubber cigar,
it was loaded and exploded,
BOOM!!

I one King of Orient are,
tried to smoke that rubber cigar,
it was loaded and exploded,
BOOM!!

Silent night....

You can see why we liked it so much. And now, I find that there are other altered versions of this hallowed carol. Like:

We Three Kings of Orient are
One on a taxi, One on a car
One on a scooter, blowing his hooter
Following yonder star

And this one:


We three kings of Orient are
Trying to smoke one of Castro's cigars
It was loaded, now it exploded
We cannot follow the star.

O-oh, star of wonder, star of light,
we cannot follow thee tonight.
Fidel's cigars exploded in our faces on Christmas night!

We two kings of Orient are
Trying to smoke one of Castro's cigars
It was loaded, now it exploded
We cannot follow the star.

O-oh, star of wonder, star of light,
we cannot follow thee tonight.
Fidel's cigars exploded in our faces on Christmas night!

I the King of Orient are
trying to smoke one of Castro's cigars
It was loaded, now it exploded,
I cannot follow the star.

O-oh, star of wonder, star of light,
I cannot follow thee tonight.
Fidel's cigar exploded in my face on Christmas night!

God rest ye merry gentlemen!

How about this:

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we travel so far
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following Ringo Starr

and this?

We three kings of Orient are.
Barry, Gus and Travis we are


Copyright Susanna Holstein. All rights reserved. No Republication or Redistribution Allowed without attribution to Susanna Holstein.

6 comments:

  1. Fun! My brothers had a similar version as kids- this brought back memories. Thanks!

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  2. No...never ever heard of any of these!

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  3. Karen PennebakerWed Dec 20, 01:00:00 PM

    My mother had such a fit when I came home from school singing that, - told me that was a nasty thing to do to a Christmas carol... only we didn't have Ringo Starr in our version... ours was just the first part up to the Silent night... I still think it's funny!!

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  4. heard that back when I was a kid. now 70 years old

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  5. I was thinking of this just out of the blue. My Great Uncle Lee taught it to me 56 years ago! Good to see someone publishing the lyrics, asking for sole attribution to you for all lyrics? Kids in the South were taught and singing that...since he was a kid. My spouse is older that me and from another state and learned it over 60 years ago. I understand attribution leads people here...😉

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    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure I learned it from my Dad, who grew up in New Orleans. I don't ask for attribution to me though; these versions have been around longer than I have, LOL

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