Some Things We Just Should Know

I've been thinking about things that I assume everyone knows.

Things like:

• You should always offer your seat to an older person.
• It's not polite to make derogatory comments about someone's home when you visit.
• Never, ever comment on someone's weight unless they bring up the subject; even then, be polite and positive.
• Never ask a woman her age.
• Never ask a man either.
• Hold the door for those following behind you.
• Be sure there is enough for everyone else when you fill your plate.
• Don't ask for seconds.

There are many more of these. What are some things that you think everyone should know?

I am wondering if the "rules" I know still apply. Do parents still teach these to their children? Or is there a new set of rules today?

What prompted my thoughts was the recent documentary by Diane Sawyer that supposedly studies the poverty of the Appalachians. People here are up in arms: she came here, a visitor who was raised in Kentucky, and was treated well. Yet she made a documentary that revisits all the old stereotypes without showing that the many-dimensional face of mountain people. We have poverty; we have problems. We also have lively cities, educated people, thriving industries, and timeless beauty. We have a city with the lowest unemployment rate in the country, and a state that still operates with a surplus.

She missed all of those; I suppose these things are not newsworthy. I think her mother forgot to teach her rule #2 above. Don't visit someone and talk bad about their home. That's bad manners.

Shame, Diane. Shame on you. You missed the real story of the mountains and used your opportunity to drag out the old trash.

The Story and the Storyteller

"The story belongs to the storyteller." I read this line in a book by Lee Smith, and it made me put the book down and think about that statement. What did she mean? Was she talking about copyright, that hot topic in storytelling world?

No, her meaning was something more--well, meaningful. Think about a story you tell, whether it be a family story or a polished performance piece or a tale you've written. Your telling of the story influences the way the story is heard or perceived by your audience. Call it spin, if you like, although that seems a shallow word to use in consideration of something this important.

For example, if I want an audience to feel that a character is a bad person, I can communicate that without words through body language, facial expression, even tone of voice. They will understand that this person is not someone I like. A writer can do by choice of words, the reaction of other characters, or the description of the character.

We can do influence listeners/readers with other story elements too. We can influence emotions easliy through tone, subject matter, expressions, choice of words. We have an obligation, I think, to keep it honest, because we might have them sorry for us or a story character, believing the story to be a true account, when in fact it's fiction. I've had that experience at a storytelling event and it's unsettling--I felt cheated by the teller who evoked a very emotional response from the audience, then at the end admitted the story was one he'd made up.

And what about working with children? Children are so easy to influence. Do we as storytellers have the right to introduce our own beliefs to them in a story in such a way that we influence them to think as we do? I am a strong opponent of the Iraq War, but should I allow that to influence my storytelling when the audience is young and impressionable--and at that moment looking up to me as a star? (It's nice to be a star sometimes, even if it's for 4 year olds!).

Lee Smith's simple statement leads to some deep reflection on the role and responsibility of any storyteller ,whether a writer or a professional stage teller. We owe our audiences authenticity and truth, even if the story is fiction.