Thursday, January 17, 2008

Accelerated Death

I got my renewal notice for AAA today. I've only been a member for two years--the first year, we needed a vehicle towed three times, so it was definitely worth the investment. Last year? No towing needed. But with both vehicles around 200,000 miles, my bet is on needing some roadside help sometime in the coming year, so I'm joining again.

BUT--in the same mail as the renewal notice was an offer for AAA term life insurance. I was tossing it in the trash when a small piece of paper fluttered to the floor. I picked it up and read "Accelerated Death Benefits."

Hunh? You can get paid more for speeding up your death? How does that work?

I read the blurb under the heading: all you have to do is get a terminal illness that will cause you to die in 12 months or less. Then you can get up to 50% of the total benefit in one lump sum to spend however you choose. (Except in New Jersey--looks like a person gets longer (24 months) to die in NJ).

What a deal! So you make payments on a policy, get yourself diagnosed to die in 12 months, and you can get half of whatever the policy's limit is (minus, of course, a $75 processing fee and interest).

There is one slight hitch to all this: you can't speed up the process on purpose. So no self-inflicted terminal illnesses, yall!

I decided not to sign up for this incredible offer. I prefer the old slow method of simply aging to death over the accelerated model anytime.

(Joking aside, I am sure this could be a great policy for some people. But the title offered me a great writing prompt.)


Anonymous said...

Wow, kinda morbid, ain't it? I remember when Ron Stanley got his first AARP notice. Dang near killed him. Sent an ordinary man on a heck of a drinking binge. Couldn't have bailed him out if I wanted to, I was right there next to him! Chick

Granny Sue said...

Ha! Poor guy. I think they sent me one when I was about 40. I laughed.

Life insurance is an oxymoron anyway. If we could insure it to go on as long we we wanted it might be worth paying for. But what we're really insuring is the certainty that we'll die--the gamble is when?

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