Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sometimes I Have to Wonder

picture from wikipedia commons

Signs always attract me.

Today, with no camera in hand, I saw this one:

Elk Hills Memorial Park: Special Sale. Buy one lot, get a second lot FREE!

Ummm, I'm pretty sure I just need one. Unless I gain a LOT of weight. I only expect to die once, honestly.

I know, I know, the idea is the second one is for my spouse. But really, a BOGO sale at a CEMETERY? I've been laughing all day. I can imagine the conversation:

"Honey, they've got this sale going on at the cemetery and I got a great deal on your lot. It was free!"

"Free! Did you pay for your lot?"

"Yeah, but I got yours free! Isn't that great?" (Imagine man all pumped up and feeling good about how he'd scored.)

"So I get the free one and you get one that you probably paid thousands of dollars for. Is that all I mean to you? You will just plunk me into some free lot when I die and think, "Gee, I sure got a great deal on getting her planted?" (Insert heaving bosom and sobs here.)

"Aw, honey, I didn't mean it like that! I just thought it would save us some money when, you know, when the time comes....look, you can have the lot I paid for and I'll take the free one." (Manly stroke of brilliance lights his face. He's sacrificing for his true love.)

"You think I would put you into some crummy free lot? You think I would do that to you? You have no idea how much I love you, how much I care about you. I would never do such a thing to you." (Sinks into a chair, seeking hankie. Poor, befuddled man stands by. He's in a no-win situation.)

Okay, back to our discussion. We'll have to leave John and Mary and the Elk Hills Memorial Park to sort things out.

Adams Family Funeral Home: Yes, West Virginia, there really is an Adams Family Funeral Home, and it's not in West By God. It's in Cumberland, Maryland. I did a doubletake when I saw this place listed as a sponsor in the program for the Jean Ritchie program recently. Of course I thought it was a joke so I looked it up later. No joke. It's a real place.

Another conversation:

"Aunt Lou passed away, Helen."

"I'm so sorry to hear that. When is visitation?"

"Friday at 7:00. I hope you can come. She thought so much of you."

"I will be there. Which funeral home are you using?"

"The Adams Family Funeral Home."

(Insert a loud laugh)

"Really. For a minute you had me going there, Ethel. I thought Helen had really passed on."

"She did. On Wednesday."

"Oh sure, and I bet the funeral director is named Gomez and a guy named Lurch drives the hearse. Probably some lady in a long black dress named Morticia greeting the guests?"

Now, not to make light of the dead, or the good folks at the Adams Family Funeral Home (hiding a grin) but would you not think they'd be happy enough just to call it Adams Funeral Home, or Adams and Sons or something else? Maybe they're hiding grins too. Why not laugh in the face of death? It is after all part of living. (Although I'm kinda looking over my shoulder as I type)

And that reminds me of yet another funeral home: Leavitt Funeral Home, which is conveniently located next to a hospital. No worry with transport there.

To lighten the mood a little, I noticed this sign on the way to work this morning:

"Fall Flooring Sale. Ask for Joy."

Okay, I'm game. I need a little joy in my life. If asking for it at the lumber yard will bring it to me, it's worth stopping to ask.

I bet you know of other places with similar names, and other signs that could be interpreted in a manner completely different from what was intended. Got any to share?


Tammy said...

My what a sense of humor you have today!

Loved reading your post!☺

Markin said...

Of course, overly-detail-oriented spoil-sports would point out that Lurch is butler to the Addams Family and the funeral home belongs to the Adams family ... but I prefer your version. ;)

Susan at Stony River said...

Spelling aside, it's almost worth moving to Cumberland just to have a funeral there!

These were great--I've got to revisit all the photos I took in WV because there were a LOT of signs in those; kept us paying attention on the highway (and laughing!)

Anonymous said...

Sue, there is another funeral home near Cresaptown, MD (close to Cumberland) called Scarpelli's--no joke. I always laugh when I go by it. I can just imagine the bad guys saying "Meet me behind Scarpelli's"--sounds like it should be in a movie or something.

Granny Sue said...

You guys are so funny! I'm at a conference and behind reading comments so forgive me for not responding sooner. I will try to get back to everyone when I get back. Internet service is limited here. On top of Snowshoe Mountain, WV

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