Friday, August 22, 2014

Weird, Wacky News from West Virginia

It's been an odd week in West Virginia. The rain has been torrential at times, coming straight down in sheets and overflowing creeks in no time. But the weather hasn't been the strangest thing this week. Consider the local news:

First, a bank robbery in our small burg. This caused schools in the area to be on lockdown, closed at least one of the main routes into town, and caused my eye appointment--my first in 20 years--to be rescheduled. The robber is still at large, schools are on lockdown again today, and there was a possible sighting of the suspect a few miles from the robbery this morning. The man who is suspected of the robbery is also wanted for the murder of the one-year-old daughter of his girlfriend about 50 miles away from here. I hope he is apprehended, and soon.

Second was this news report this morning about an accident on Interstate 79 not far from Charleston, WV, and about 70 miles from my home. I am trying to imagine the scenario--chickens and ammo scattered everywhere. Armed chickens making a break for freedom? Or, as my friend Judi said on Facebook, pullets with bullets? It creates some strange mental images. Sadly, not all of the chickens made it, and a dog that probably caused the wreck by trying too jump out of a window also did not survive. After reading the news report, however, I am very glad this man was stopped because he seemed to be up to no good. "Improvised explosive device"? AK47? Doesn't bode well, does it? He'll have some explaining to do. This whole thing reminded me of the guy with 500 chickens in his van that I wrote about some years ago.

And then there was the conversation I overheard between two guys waiting outside the Day Report center. I guess this is a place where people on parole have to check in? I was headed to the Downtowner for lunch but slowed up when I heard one of the men mention opera. That made me curious! All I heard was this: "I knew something was wrong when she started talking about opera. I raised that girl on country music and bluegrass. Then when we were huntin' she started talking about opera." 

Sounds like the perfect beginning to a country song, doesn't it? I started right in on it when someone suggested the idea on Facebook, and here is what I have so far:

We was headin' to the woods one rainy fall day
when my woman turned to me and I heard my woman say
Well I know you like your guns and your banjo and your Tonya
but as for me, well honey, I love the opera!

She's got her cowboy boots and her 30-30 rifle, 
she looks real fine when she's carryin' my duffle.
 But I can't stand it when she opens her choppers, 
and she starts singin' that classical opera!

Friends suggested adding verses about how she's redone the house in chintz and pink florals, towels with embroidery and fine corduroy, bought furniture from Ikea, and gotten above her raisin'. So, anyone want to write a verse or two for this sure-to-be-a-classic country song?

All of the above has made my sick days not boring, although some of it is worrying and saddening. I'd blame it on Dog Days but honestly, I think the finger needs to be pointed at humankind and the troubles our kind get into.

Anything exciting or strange to report from your neck of the woods? Surely West Virginia isn't the only place with strange goings-on these days.

Copyright Susanna Holstein. All rights reserved. No Republication or Redistribution Allowed without attribution to Susanna Holstein.


Quinn said...

Good gracious, I hope things settle down in your neck of the woods. I like a quiet life, myself...even the ruckus of having a backhoe/front-end loader here all day yesterday left me feeling as uneasy as the goats...and I wanted the work done!
Hope you're feeling 100% again soon, also!

Michelle said...

A bizarre happening in my neck of the woods. Fireman helping the local college participate in the ice bucket challenge were electrocuted when the electricity from lines arced. They are thinking the lines, the ladder and the water combo is what did it. So far everyone's condition has been upgraded. Very scary for the families.

JoAnn ( Scene Through My Eyes) said...

We seem to be fairly calm here in the Pacific Northwest so far - just the excitement of discovering (after 6 years of living here) that we actually have at least two bullfrogs in the ponds nearby. I want to go down to the ponds every night and listen to them. The last time I heard them we were visiting in Wisconsin - 15 years ago. I do love a good bullfrog.

JJM said...

Since the original conversation was obviously about the man's daughter, I thought I'd add:

And it gets worse -- she's infected our daughter,
Who now warbles songs from that La Traviater.
I thought I done right by my parental duty,
But there she goes singin' that Cozy Fan Tootie!

--Mario R.

Susan Anderson said...

Got a kick out of your song. Hope things calm down for a while...a little too much going on over there!


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