If Not Now, When?

30 this morning with freezing rain,  but currently sunny and 46. Go figure.

Two bloggers I read regularly wrote recently about little indulgences they allow themselves. For one it is chocolate, for the other good Turkish coffee. Their posts reminded me of something I wanted to write about, so what better time than today?

I have noticed that as we have gotten older, Larry and I too allow ourselves some little pleasures. Things like keeping ice cream in the freezer, or some kind of baked sweet on hand. For me, it's my tea tray, with ever-changing cups and teapots, and for Larry, having a bowl of chili at Wendy's when he goes to town alone. There are other things too, small but they make us smile or just feel good.

A friend said not long ago that she had bought a necklace she had wanted for a long time, but just couldn't splurge on it. Then she added, "But if not now, when?"

And boy did that strike home. How often do we tell ourselves no to some small thing because it's bad for us, or we don't need it, or we worry about what our children will do with all our stuff when we're gone? 

I don't know about you, but I have said no for years. At first it was because of having children, and of course they came first. Since we were always financially strapped (which sounds better than poor, which was the actual truth), my wants and needs had to take the back seat. If I did spend on things like flowering plants, I felt so guilty! I always loved glass and antiques, and would literally lust after some things, but rarely let myself buy because I just "didn't need it."

We never ate out or had date nights either, and for a few years my entire wardrobe fit in two dresser drawers. As things got easier, I continued to feel guilty whenever I bought something not essential. Then after retirement, so many friends and even online articles talked about the need to downsize so children don't have the burden of dealing with it all later on.

But as my friend said, if not now, when? When exactly in life is one allowed to not feel guilty, to not have to think about what others think or say about how and what we choose to do or own? I am almost 72. Somewhere in the past 10 years I have transitioned from "don't need it" to a different way of thinking. 

Now, this isn't to say I go whole hog! I still watch my diet and eat well, but now I give myself a little freedom, to have the occasional chocolate, and I try to keep something baked for what we call our "elevenses". I still don't buy many clothes but when I see something I like, I get it (usually online or at a thrift, though. Can't stand clothes shopping!) We eat out whenever we want, stay up late if we want to, have slow mornings when we feel like it.

And I don't worry about downsizing, because I am not ready to give up the pleasure I have in our home and all the stuff that makes it uniquely ours. One day, it may become necessary, but that day isn't here yet, so I will continue to delight in sunlight sparkling on glass, shelves full of books to be read or re-read, and gardens filled with as many flowers as I can manage to plant.

Because the time is now, not when.

Copyright Susanna Holstein. All rights reserved. No Republication or Redistribution Allowed without attribution to Susanna Holstein.